i_iz_z0mbie

and I just vomited in the sink. I'm watching The Lost Boys and no ones online. Fuck. This sucks. I think its time for bed. Seriously..

Have you ever had those moments when shit just rushes to you all at once and you think "Damn, I'm so sorry."?
I've missed out on such amazing things. People are out living my dreams, and if only I wasn't such an immature bitch, or so...psychotic. I dont know. Whatever kept me back, I'm so soo sorry it kept me from all of you. I really am. I think about each of you, every day, and as mad as I get, it's really not at you, it's at myself. I miss you guys, I hope shit works out for you, and you do everything you've ever wanted to do. Really.

I only had one day of school this week
Monday was a vacation day because of Memorial Day. Tuesday and Wednesday I was way to depressed to go. Today I went because my mom made me, and it sucked and I just ended up crying all day (I dont know how you go from "I love you" to "distant" in 5 days, but whatever..). Then my dad called and I asked to get picked up early, so no school tomorrow.
I'm just going to sit here and get baked with my brother. This is the only place where I feel happy. I need to just build up the courage to just STAY.

I don't know why that's so hard for me to do. I know I'd be better off but I can't detach myself from the two friends I have up there. This sucks. I need to make up my mind soon. I'm gonna be working down here for the summer, hopefully I meet new people. Then maybe I'd have the balls to pick the fuck up and move out of that shitty
town.

its almost midnight. Im staying up to call john for his birthday.
Im tired.
i spent like an hour making jello shots for dawns nieces graduation party tomorrow.
now me dad and dawn are watching The Watcher. Keanu Reeves is such a creeper.

BLAHHHHH

Just had to write something.
Night

They are running around the whole house and hiding in stuff. The baby's over too. :PP Its been a long boring week. I spent Wednesday laying around Beaudreaus room sleeping off my hang over, then the next day I stayed home. This week felt like it took a year. And I left my phone at home by mistake because I was rushing out of the house to get picked up, so that sucks. I def need a nap. >.< At least I'm in gansett. <33

I never realized how much I suck at keeping any type of journal. It's amazing. Not like anyone reads it any way, but it just feels nice to write.
But yeah, Pepper had her kittens. (If anyone wants one, totally let me know.) 7 of them, and the majority have double paws. They all pretty much look like her except for 2. They are brown. They are all too fucking cute. They are pudgy and their eyes are barely open. They tumble over each other and flip over all the time. It's hilarious to watch. And Maggie thinks she's their baby-sitter. She cleans them and flips them over when they get stuck. I didn't get to see anyone this weekend, as usual. To bad Shane wasn't around to smoke me up (lol). He's in NH visiting my aunt and cousin with his friend Kenny. He should be home around 7:30 tonight. Oh my godddd, I cant wait for Thursday. FUCKIN VACATIONNN!

WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS SHIT!
ok, im just seriously going to kill myself. im so sick of the bullshit i put up with and the fake ass people i know.

"life is like a box of chocolates..."...jk. um "i hope they eat you alive."

Buy my dad, Shane and mom new cars, get Shane insurance, buy my nephew new toys and books, buy Dawn a flat screen TV, and shop for clothes.

As lame as it sounds, probably a wolf.

And I'm actually going to use it. It's easier than writing in just my regular journal all the time. It's February vacation, I just turned 16 :D, and I'm actually spending a lot of time with my dad and brother. It's nice. I used to never really get to see them because they always had work and such, but work hasn't been coming around like it used to. Uh, I've been wicked busy with school work and promoting SV, its nice to just sit around and laugh at stupid shit with Shane. It's kind of late so I think I'm going to go to bed and curl up with Maggie May. Night.